Still f***ed

Well and Truly.


But, at least I know that journalism is NOT for me.  Memoir writing, first-person accounts of derring-do, sure, maybe. But telling other people's stories?  NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO etc....

I love my mom

"I have never seen anybody that naked."

My mom about Josephine Baker's willingness to take off her clothes. :D

I am F***ed

I'm not going to have friends.  Acquaintances, yes, but not friends, really.  I am going to be fundamentally alone, even in a crowd, for the rest of my life.  I am not going to have sex or have people who talk to me unless I am always the one starting the conversation and carrying the conversation and ending the conversation, which I'm not willing to be.

Everyone is either shy or has already filled their quota of people for whom they have time or I don't want to be friends with them or they don't want to be friends with me or, or, or, or.

And I'm either really ugly or really not ugly or I'm uglyish but I act like I think I'm not that ugly.  Or I'm ugly but I have a good body.  Or something.

The best I can do is create artificial situations where I can pretend I have friends and exist in denial.  That and be very busy and never get hungry or tired.

What did I do to deserve this?  Nobody deserves this.

I'm going to be an incredible punk musician.

Punk, or they sucked, but they were angry

You don't have to be talented or accomplished to be a musician.  More later.

nomad

I will refer to myself as Nomad.  Pay up my debts.  Get rid of everything that doesn't fit in a camper's rucksack and find what it is I need.  And find out what that is.  iA.

friends with me

Being friends with me is a lot like signing up for one of those Internet newsletters: There's a lot of communication involved, all of it one-sided unless you want otherwise, and you can always opt out.

liking

The difference between liking and love is the other person loving you back.

family

I love my family, but I need a break from them, not so much because of them, but because of the way being around them makes me.  They might feel the same way about me.

uncool

It's not cool to like "popular" music.  Apparently, if you do, it means that you are a sheep.  Nevermind if EVERYTHING else you do involves baaing and walking through the foot dip and following the other sheep around.  So, here goes: leaping into my own grave:  I LIKE Fallout Boy.  And Hillary Duff.  And Rammstein.  And a bunch of other bands.  It's interesting though, to me, anyway.  I don't really like everything from any one band, except maybe The Script and Hollywood Undead.  3OH!3 is also mostly good, if you don't mind explicitness, and sometimes I want explicitness.

bottle girls (explicit)

The more I learn about how the world really works, the less optimistic I am about everything.  In the unlikely event that someone I want actually ever wants me, he is going to have to work his ass off.  Because no fucking way am I wasting any love, any time, any effort, any emotion on some fucking shitbag who's just going to hurt me.  And who the fuck else is there?  Religious dudes are nonreligious dudes who lie.  Nonreligious dudes are fucking everything on wheels.  And I am not beautiful.  And even if I were, when do you get to beautiful enough?  Tiger Woods' wife is beautiful and he cheated on her, left and right, with skanky hos, half-hos, whatever.

http://nymag.com/news/features/65238/index.html

Musings

In Timeline, Lady Claire's brother is kind of hot, in a greasy way, especially when he kills the English dude "for France".  (Not the killing, just the way he says the line and the expression.)

And I like that she's not beautiful in an "omg" way, but in a different sort of way that's more capable and better.

brick (ow)

Slamming your face over and over into a brick wall is NOT success.
Slamming your face over and over into a brick wall is NOT success.
Slamming your face over and over into a brick wall is NOT success.
Slamming your face over and over into a brick wall is NOT success.
Slamming your face over and over into a brick wall is NOT success.
Slamming your face over and over into a brick wall is NOT success.
Slamming your face over and over into a brick wall is NOT success.
Slamming your face over and over into a brick wall is NOT success.
Slamming your face over and over into a brick wall is NOT success.
Slamming your face over and over into a brick wall is NOT success.
Slamming your face over and over into a brick wall is NOT success.


and just for fun,(She's a) Brick House

morning randomness and the jeans conundrum

I am jealous of my sister.

I think she's prettier than I am and I'm pretty sure most of the people I've spent the last 10 years trying to be friends with would have accepted her in a heartbeat.  That might just be me though.

But, I'm actually glad I'm jealous of her, because if I weren't and she had nothing going for her, I would be upset about it.  And I don't want to be her.  It's just annoying.


And on another tack: Where the heck do curvy people buy jeans?  My waist is a size smaller than the rest of me and I'm tall and I cannot find a pair of jeans that fits without a ridiculously huge gap in the waist.