I'm not going to have friends. Acquaintances, yes, but not friends, really. I am going to be fundamentally alone, even in a crowd, for the rest of my life. I am not going to have sex or have people who talk to me unless I am always the one starting the conversation and carrying the conversation and ending the conversation, which I'm not willing to be.
Everyone is either shy or has already filled their quota of people for whom they have time or I don't want to be friends with them or they don't want to be friends with me or, or, or, or.
And I'm either really ugly or really not ugly or I'm uglyish but I act like I think I'm not that ugly. Or I'm ugly but I have a good body. Or something.
The best I can do is create artificial situations where I can pretend I have friends and exist in denial. That and be very busy and never get hungry or tired.
What did I do to deserve this? Nobody deserves this.
I'm going to be an incredible punk musician.
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